


Just One Problem

by knives4cash



Category: Oxenfree
Genre: Alex/Nona, F/F, Mystery, Yuri, oxenfree - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-07 22:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6827551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knives4cash/pseuds/knives4cash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One island. One party. One problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "The Island"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One shall experience an incredible amount of fun and pleasure if they finish this miniseries and then read it a second time, knowing what the ending is.

You know how, when you get into a new environment you meet new people, and you could just talk to them, but you somehow never really do, and so you just awkwardly interact with them but not really? That was me and Nona, originally, before the “Pre-Ghost” era. She was the weak, silent type, who was prone to being bullied and tossed around her freshmen year in our school. I would have helped her, I really would have, but I had my own social network established, and Michael and I got on fine as it was, so I didn’t really wanna stick my neck out for someone I didn’t even know.

Clarissa kinda changed all of that. She transferred in for my second year, and she built a powerbase for herself. She hit the ground running! Literally! She tried out for the track team and became the best runner you ever saw (mostly because of those long, toned legs which glistened with sweat); she got straight A’s from day one. Girl should’ve gone into politics, ‘cause she didn’t give no fucks and made friends out of everyone, teachers and students, namely Nona (who soon stopped getting bullied), and my _dear, older brother_ , who fell victim to her womanly charms. I would’ve gone in for some of that myself, but she always smelled like an ashtray. 

The first time I tried to talk to her, she was out smoking, and she looked all edgy, so I spent thirty minutes in between classes just shooting the shit with her and getting to know her. We parted ways on friendly terms! But second hand smoking is a bitch, and my throat felt like a swamp for the rest of the day; Michael just laughed and laughed at how I sounded like an old lady. He promptly got to know Clarissa pretty damn intimately afterwards. 

I didn’t really have an issue with that. Clarissa was friendly, charming, sexy, and she just rocked that IDGAF attitude. Michael, may God rest his soul, was wild about her. Coming from a small town, almost colonial era village of a town, he was drawn in by the siren’s foreign song. 

Just one problem: she stole him away from me. If he had a free moment, he wouldn’t tug on my ponytail and call me “Laura Ingalls” anymore; instead, he’d be smoking with her outside the school grounds.

Yeah, he took up smoking just for her. Mom and Dad weren’t happy about it. 

So, being the proactive and younger sister, I did the only logical thing and took up smoking too so that I could hang out with bro and my future sister-in-law. Mom and dad were _really_ not happy about it. Michael wanted to be all high and mighty about it, but he knew he was just as damned as I was, so he and I just bonded even more. Sneaking out at night to have a smoke --even if it’s with the best brother ever-- isn’t easy, but it was fun because he was there for me. I had managed to keep Michael with me, so success! Yay! 

Just one problem: Clarissa isn’t the sharing type. So I ended up hooked on this shit and blowing smoke (haha) by myself while he and his new girlfriend went off and did things I don’t wanna think about. 

And then Michael drowned. And I was powerless to do a Goddamned thing. 

Clarissa hated me. She blamed me for Michael’s death. Mom and Dad divorced. Things sucked balls, and I ignored the psychological drama going on with my losing a brother, because I pushed it all out of me and focused on quitting the cigarettes. I succeeded, so I’m sure Michael would’ve been pretty proud of me for that, at least.

Then Jonas came into the picture. Our parents found new love in the ashes of death and divorce, and they came together in holy matrimony and brought us along for the ride. 

Speaking of rides, that’s how I officially met the guy. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

“I know it’ll be weird, but you know me, Jake!” I lamented over my phone as I drove with one hand and talked on the other. Bobbing and weaving around airport traffic is bad, but going at it with one hand is even worse. Just the kinda girl I am, I guess. “You still not coming with me and Ren?” I attempted to coerce, as I really didn’t wanna just be bringing my new step-brother along with Ren.

Jake declined, rambling on about the new coat of paint his first person shooter was getting this year. 

I kinda zoned him out as I focused on driving stick with one hand, balancing my phone in my left hand while gripping the wheel; meanwhile, I had my right hand on the stick, in neutral but wavering between first and second gear. Coasting down a winding ramp that connected from one pickup/dropoff zone to another, I found the dude in question, kinda hidden amongst a small crowd of grouchy people who’d just gotten off the plane. 

“Jake, I’m hanging up now,” I told my classmate as he went on about prestige and rank. I hung up and tossed my phone into the cup holder. 

Jonas’ picture had been all handsome and professional. Brown hair gelled into a neat comb over, and he was wearing a suit! And he wasn’t even an adult yet! Mom told me it was a funeral, and his mom had died, but the guy looked good. 

_This_ Jonas at the airport had frazzled hair, clearly a few months overdue for a cut. He covered most of it with a brown beanie. He wore a ring around his neck with a basic (stained) black shirt that went under this matted, ragged army jacket. Of course, I was wearing the faded red remains of my brother’s jacket, so I wasn’t gonna scoff at it. He wore jeans, ‘cause all guys wear jeans. 

I pulled in and parked. double-tapping the horn to let him know it was me. He was just lounging against a concrete pillar with two duffel bags of shit and jumped as this girl with cyan hair honked at him in a scraped up, piece-of-shit Chevy Silverado. Dude collected himself and tossed his junk into the bed of the truck, opened the passenger door, and hopped in. Smooth enough. 

Just one problem: he smelled like a Goddamned ashtray. This time, however, I was more accepting of it, as I’d lit a few in the truck myself. But man, did it make me wanna go back to those death sticks. 

“Hey,” he huffed as he buckled up. “Alexandra, right? Or do you prefer Alex?” he offered as I went into first and revved up, drawing everyone’s attention to the bold, old Silverado. 

Driving off in as much pomp as I could manage, I answered, “I prefer Alex, thanks. You prefer Jonas?” I offered, not knowing if he had any nicknames or what, but I really didn’t have much to go on. 

“Y-yeah,” he confirmed, nodding his head. “Sorry I didn’t get back to your facebook invite... or your steam invite. I was just... I... y’know.” 

“Oh! No, no, it’s all good, don’t worry!” I decided. Not one for awkwardness, I told him, “So, Jonas, here’s the plan: we’re goin’ back to my place. We’ll drop off your stuff, then we're gonna go catch a ferry and party on Edward’s Island all night long.” 

“You got beer?” he immediately asked, no hesitation in his tone at all.

Grinning, I motioned with my head. “Look in the back.” 

He craned his neck and looked into the small back space of the truck. “Oooh, _damn!_ ” he whistled, feasting his eyes upon the two fine bottles of whiskey. “Where’d you find those beauties?” he asked, looking at me with a smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eyes. Not that I would know, ‘cause I was focused on the road, but I could tell he was happy.

“Jonas, if you’re gonna start goin’ to my school, you’re gonna have to learn to make connections with people who can get you shit. I got people, and I’m gonna share them with you. What’s mine is yours, New Brother!” I grandly foretold as I did fifty-five in a forty. 

And I knew from that moment on that we’d get along fine.

Just one problem: we got haunted by triangle ghosts. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Nona was there, which was fine enough. But then Clarissa had to be there too, which was sucky but also a necessity. Nona would never have had the nerve to go party alone, much less with strangers like the Mysterious Alex and Class Clown Ren. Now, I had never really cared so much about Nona before, and at the time I was focused on not getting shat on by Clarissa; but I thought that Nona was just the most beautiful cutie pie ever. She wore this black beanie (thanks, Jonas) and dulled orange sweater that just flowed so smoothly with her long, silky, black hair. She wore ugg boots, which have been, are, and will _always_ be ugg-ly; but the rest of her was looking quite fiiine. Never got to talk to her there, on that nice, cold beach under the stars. That fuzzy, warm fire feeling kinda went to waste over that stupid game we played. Ren lost, like, ten respect points from me on acting like Nona was some objective to obtain. He totally ignored her feelings and tried to save his own face when Clarissa called him out on wanting to “sample the goods”. 

Nona just sat there, all introverted and stuff. Which was really cute to me, especially when she got all close to the fire and rubbed her hands and pretended that her best “friend” wasn’t grilling my best friend. So I diffused the situation and tried to have a glass or two of some fine quality booze. Ren had some amount of pot in his brownies. I was just about to force him to share, too! 

But that was about at the time when I kinda sorta summoned the evil triangle ghosts. And then I blacked out. I woke up in front of Harden tower with Jonas, and we regrouped and launched rescue missions for Clarissa (had to save her first, ‘cause she called in first) and Ren. Clarissa then got super possessed, and Ren ate more pot brownies. 

So, Jonas and I team up and go crusading across Haunted Island. We had rewind trips, I showed off my athleticism to Jonas, we found Clarissa who promptly committed suicide but didn’t, and then we found Nona on the ground in the middle of the forest, a total wreck. 

I tried to calm her down, but I guess she had some sort of haunting involving me, because she did not like me _at all_. Jonas got her to go to Harden Tower, though, so she ended up safe. We then got Ren, took him back to the tower and linked up with everyone.

Just one problem: Ren ate more pot brownies. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

“It’s not a half-bad plan,” I defended, careful not to use the term “half-baked”, even though I really wanted to. “I mean, sure, he’s about to get high as a kite, but he’s got a decent plan!” Maggie Adler was rich. She surely had her own, private boat or yacht or whatever rich people have on island property. If we grabbed it, we could get the hell out of here. 

Pacing back and forth across the comm room atop Harden Tower, dimly illuminated by dusty, yellow lights, Jonas adamantly attacked, “He’s a basket case, Alex!”

Ren moved to get physical with Jonas, but I was able to position myself in between the two of them. Sadly, this didn’t stop the macho men from asserting their masculinity in a shrieking contest. 

“Alex, this caveman is insane from what I’ve heard!” Ren emphasized for about the fifth time, prompting Jonas to move in to punch his nose. Again, I had to keep the two guys apart with my own hands. “And what kind of nutjob would turn down a _free boat_ , courtesy of Maggie Adler Incorporated?!” Ren screamed off as I found myself getting compressed by the two opposing forces. 

“I swear to God, the next person to speak who isn’t me will get _my_ foot shoved into _their_ balls!” I threatened, prompting the two guys to immediately stand down, as they both realized that I could easily kick in my sandwiched position. 

The two backed off, scared for their sacred manhood. 

Running my hands through my long, coarse hair of fabulous cyan, I craned my neck and groaned, filling the room with my frustration. Stomping past Ren, I moved to the left door and slammed it shut. Wheeling around, I marched across the room, motioned for Nona to step out of my way (which she did with a yelp) and slammed the right door shut. 

Wheeling around again, I glared at all three of them. “Here’s what’s gonna happen!” I firmly established, crossing my arms and leaning against the door. “Ren, you’re gonna get high any minute now. I’ve known you my whole life, but _Goddamn_ , man!” I lament, throwing my hands into the air. “I can’t depend on you to watch my back if we go down to Main Street!”

He moved to speak, but I quickly silenced him with a simple, “Shut the fuck up, or I’ll tear out those earrings and use them to vajazzle your _asshole!_ ”

Nona gave that kinda hiccup-cough-laugh where you’re drinking water while watching a youtube vid, and the cat doesn’t make the jump. Ren was crazy enough to eat pot brownies in the middle of a ghost infestation, but he wasn’t insane enough to challenge my bluff. Jonas watched on with conflicted interest. 

Glaring at the both of them, I finally decided, “Jonas: Ren’s going to get high any minute now, and I need someone who can physically restrain him if worst comes to worst. Nona’s, like, half his weight. And yes, I’m athletic, but that’s all down here.” Motioning to my legs and hips, I make sure he understands. “I don’t have the upper body strength. If Ren decides he can fly, I need someone here who can hold him down. That means _you’re_ staying.” 

Ren looked down at the floor, awkwardly scuffing his brand name sneaker against the dust. His head hung like a chandelier. 

Jonas huffed, shrugging his shoulders. “Fine,” he admitted, crossing his arms and staring back at me. “I’ll stay with the basketca-”

“No!” I commanded again, slamming my foot against the floor and my fist against the door. “His name is _Ren!_ He’s been my best friend since forever, and you’ll show him some Goddamned respect!” Locking my glare on Ren, I warned, “And if you do anything besides sit in the corner and let your trip die off, Jonas is gonna put his boot in your ass, so do not fucking test him, okay?” 

Scowling, Ren immediately slumped off to his preferred corner and collapsed with a roaring groan. 

Clasping my hands together, I huffed with satisfaction. “Nona?” I offered, motioning towards the doorway. “Shall we?” 

\---------------------------

Nona waited until we were well outside of hearing range before speaking. _“Sooo...”_ she awkwardly began. “That was intense.” 

“Eh,” I tossed my hands out flamboyantly as we walked along Harden Tower’s fence line towards the town. “Ren and I butt heads now and then. He’s been my best friend forever, but the guy just doesn’t like rising to meet the challenge, y’know? He’s a bit of a quitter.”

“Damn,” Nona whistled. “Harsh much?”

“You can separate the good and bad in a friend,” I decided, lining up my steps so that I’d kick rocks down the dirt road. “And because I’m such a good friend, I know that Ren’s not the kind of guy you want to get attached to.” 

“Thanks,” she murmured. I had my back to her, so I guess she was just in thought. “I’ll...” she shuttered, “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

I stopped, slowly turning to look at her, and Goddamn am I glad I did. The cool, summer night had this starry backdrop, and she was illuminated by these flimsy, ancient floodlights that lined the tower’s fencing. Her long, silky hair fluttered in the breeze, and mine did the same thing but I didn’t really care about that. 

She was rubbing her shoulders together, slightly shaking. Naturally, as I was dumbstruck by this feeble creature’s beauty, I did the only logical thing and offered her my dead brother’s jacket. 

“Oh!” she realized, shocked that I would make such a loan (with a lot of interest, haha). “No, no, that’s not-!” But it was too late, as I had already wrapped it around her. I’m smooth like that. 

Huffing, she smiled and nodded. “Thanks, Alex.”

Smirking, I shrugged my shoulders. “Hey, you’re my new partner in crime now, so I gotta make sure you’re in tip-top condition. Now, let’s go steal a boat!”

Laughing, Nona quickly followed in my eager footsteps. “Sure. Let’s.” 

\----------------------------------

We had a bit of a trek to make, so like any infatuated teenager I got my girl to talk about stuff. She and I had never really talked before, and she hadn’t stood out that much; but I guess the stars had aligned with the hauntings. Nona and I became fast friends.

She didn’t even remember me! But it wasn’t her fault that we got caught in the perfect storm. She rarely showed up to class, and whenever she did she always took the backmost seat. Meanwhile I always sat in the front. But instead of going out and having a blast, she practiced dancing! I instantly wanted to see her in a leotard, that bathing suit-esque piece clinging to her curves. 

And she said she was okay at it, but I believed she was just being humble. If she was doing that every time she wasn’t in class, I figured she had to be pretty awesome at those fancy twirls and shit. 

Then, she told me about the _birthday_ party. 

Last year, she had cancelled it to go visit some friend whose name I forget because of some hospital thing, and then Clarissa came over with a cake and blah blah blah friendship or something. Anyways, I told Nona how _my_ family made birthdays a week long crusade for joy and merriment, and Nona’s eyes lit up as we kinda got distracted and talked about what she’d want to do for her birthday party. It was great, talking to this cute girl who got all bubbly about celebrating her birthday in the middle of a haunting. 

She wanted to invite Clarissa, as I expected; however, Clarissa wasn’t going to be attending this year for some reason, which definitely helped me out a lot. Who would have thought: Clarissa not being where I’m going to be is the most helpful thing she can do? Go figure. 

So, Nona told me that I was invited! She actually wanted me to show up! I was pumped, and naturally I told her that I could come. I then told her to give me a list of shit she wanted, and it was at about that time we saw Clarissa hanging around on a lamp post like the Spectacular Spider-Man.

Then the rewind happened again. And again. And again.

That eventually cleared up. Nona and I uncovered the secret story of Maggie Adler and scored a new radio-key-lock thingy. I still have it with me, actually! I never use the damned thing, it’s stuffed in a box in my closet along with my unreturned library books.

I also got to see Michael. I was too scared to say anything, because I wasn’t sure just what the hell was going on, but we went down to the beach with Clarissa, and we just... we just chilled. She normally wanted to keep my brother to herself, but I remember that day. He had insisted on bringing me along _because_ he’d been so busy with her. At least, that’s what he hastily told her. In reality, he had promised me first that we’d go shoot the shit, but then she wedged herself in as usual. 

She was nice to me, actually. I kinda felt bad for a bit.

That came to an end, and I woke up with the beautiful Nona hanging over me, violently shaking me (or trying to, rather) as her long, silky hair draped over me like curtains. She smelled like lilacs, and it was so nice.

Backtracking, we hooked back up with the Gay Squad, who had settled into a neutral silence. Ren was pissed, Jonas had gone through about five smokes in my absence and smelled fucking awful, but he was actually really cute: when he saw me returning, his eyes lit up; but then he remembered that he was supposed to be mad at me, so he acted all disinterested. 

I love it when I hook ‘em like that. 

So, the four of us launched our new mission: get to the U.S.S. Adler, secure it, and then go save Clarissa. Nona was super adamant about that last part.

If I’d known I’d have to face down the long-lost remnants of some ancient American submarine crew, I’d have been a bit more reserved, even if Nona got all insistent, cracking her voice in the process. So cute. 

But hey, it all worked out in the end. I stared into the Void, the Void stared back, and I fucking _won_ that game of chicken! I blacked out and woke up on our beautiful new boat, sailing as far away from Edward’s Island as it was legally allowed to go. Nona and Jonas were at my side when I awoke, and they just go so excited about me. Ren was good, and Clarissa was safe at last. 

And it was about what you’d expect. The good guys won, the survivors cheered, and we all lived happily ever after. 

Just one problem: I had a birthday party to attend, and I had a lot of work ahead of me.


	2. "The Party"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One island. One party. One problem.

We got off the boat, and we all agreed to sleep this off. I tossed my keys to Jonas and told him to impress me with his manual-transmission skills, ‘cause I wanted Nona to myself for a bit (didn’t tell him that part). Jonas went for the silverado, and Ren hitched a ride with Clarissa. Before leaving, she felt compelled to give me a hug. It was... weird. I mean, it was nice that she appreciated my daring rescue operation for her, but I felt her breasts pressing against mine, and the thought of those very same boobs being ferociously groped and suckled by my dead brother turned me off.

Anyways, I got Nona alone with me, and I told her that she could go home while I took care of inviting everyone over to her party. She didn’t have to lift a finger. She was exhausted (probably because her cute, frail body had trouble keeping up with my athletic stud muffin of a body), but she was grateful. She said she’d text me all the details later, but only the Edwards Island Haunting Committee was invited.

I told her I’d make sure she had a perfect birthday, and she drove herself home.

That was gonna happen three days after the ghost-haunting-extravaganza, and a lot can happen in such a short amount of time. I took up smoking again. On the drive home, Jonas needed to calm down, and I really wanted to join him. So I did. I also did a lot of drinking. A lot as in: I burned through most of my stash (I let Jonas help himself). I needed to keep my head foggy so that I could do my best to forget about all of the awful shit I had done and gone through. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

Day one, Post-Ghosting: 

I almost let Jonas sleep in (his shoulder muscles are so _toned, oh my God_ ), but I just had to take him out on the town. Jonas wasn’t too keen on that, initially, but I managed to get him to tour his soon-to-be Hell on earth: high school. He hadn’t fully recovered from Edwards’ Island, as it was just twenty-four hours after bodily-possession. I got him to forgive me about threatening to break his “jaw breakers” and celebrated our survival with fresh cigarettes! I spoke fondly of my social connections, and he was polite enough to entertain my elaborate visions of drug trafficking. Then, he asked about that birthday party, and I handled it like a champ. 

I also texted Nona a few times, but she never got back to me. I tried calling twice, but she never picked up.

We stopped by a crappy fast food joint, and Jonas told me he’d had enough and just wanted to get drunk and sleep. He invited me, and boy did I wanna do that, but I dropped him off and let him have the rest of my stash. There were other people on my list.

Ren was pretty decent. He was still somewhat pissed off about my threatening to punt his man-jewels. I was able to coax him like I always do, and we spent the rest of the evening just shooting the shit. He asked me about Nona, about the birthday party. I handled that like a pro as well.

Day two: 

Jonas thought it was weird when he woke up to me jumping into his bed at 6 AM. 

Truth be told, I thought it was weird too. I had this really bad dream involving ghosts, and out of habit I ran into Michael’s room and jumped into bed with him. Naturally, Michael had long been reduced to a charred crisp. As I was in the air, falling into my new step-brother’s big, strong, sleeping arms I realized that I could either make things awkward or make things slightly less awkward by rolling with it.

So I rolled with it, and I convinced him that I was just that awesome.

Besides, I had all of the Avengers movies on my phone, so he snuggled up to me as we watched the morning slip away. Mom and step-dad were still out for their honeymoon, so we shared the last six beers he’d saved and laughed at obvious pandering when Captain America blatently showed off his biceps. 

In the evening, Nona wanted company, and I was the first she called. I had her come over. Jonas had gone out for something or whatever, and Nona just slid on in, neither aware that they had just missed each other. It was great. We talked about that book she wanted to write. I was initially skeptical, because who wants to read a story about friends and a haunting and visions of dead siblings, right?

We spent three hour on that book idea. 

Nona also told me about the party: her house, 4PM, bring some beer. She said no gifts, but I felt I needed to get a little something-something for my soon-to-be-girlfriend. 

I got her to leave as soon as Jonas texted me that he’d be home soon. She went out the door, and a few minutes later Jonas walked in with a few bags of groceries. He had bought steak (no beer, ‘cause I hadn’t hooked him up with my connections). We spent the rest of the evening cooking on my dad’s old grill, and _holy shit_ does Jonas love his meat well done. I was gonna take ‘em off after a bit, but Jonas freaked out and was all like, “What are you doing?! They just got on there! You gotta let ‘em simmer and ruin the tenderness blah blah blah!” 

He’s my brother, which is great and not-so-great for me.

Day three was the birthday party. 

\-----------------------------------------

Nona’s house had actual pillars (like Greek and Roman shit) out front. Dull, red brick pasted over the hastily-constructed frame by workers in desperate need of cash. A small, eloquent yard with a thin, rectangular walkway sandwiched between two squares of grass. Thick bushes lined the perimeter as the house’s fence, but in this part of town you didn’t have to worry about home invasion. 

I drove up to Nona’s front yard in my scraped up Sivlerado, and this was a neighborhood where people drove Ferraris. It was 4:30 PM, and I had managed to survive this far, so I wasn’t going to stop now. I parked directly in front of their shiny, white-picket fence and promptly kicked open the gate as my hands were full. I had two boxes of beer, not actual boxes either just cardboard with newspapers to pad my own random cans of beer. Two of those, right? On top of those two, I had Nona’s birthday gift wrapped up in the Sunday Funnies. 

I smashed my grass-stained tennis shoe against the doorbell (remember, I’m flexible) and was greeted by a timid Nona, dressed for the occasion. A little black dress. The seventeen-year-old high schooler’s rich parents, in their rich house, put her into a little, black dress. 

Holy Hell. It was amazing. 

Just one problem: her eyes were puffy and red, her whole figure quivered, and her tears weren’t as dried as she had clearly tried to make them. 

_“Alex!”_ she snorted, wiping her eyes and swallowing hard, doing her best to smile. “What are you d- doing here?” she huffed, standing in the doorway, clinging to the big, black, cast iron frame as if it were her lifeline. 

“Uh...” I paused, recognizing that she had been drying tears for a while. “It’s your birthday, and I’m here to get shitfaced with you?” I offered, nodding to my supplies.

“O- oh! My _birthday_ ,” Nona mumbled, trying to blink away more tears. “I’d forgotten all a- a- about-”

She couldn’t finish her sentence, and I wasn’t going let her try. I (gently) set my beer down, and pulled the girl into a hug. Nona is, at first glance, a small, frail little girl who’s as quiet as a mouse; but she has the grip of a barn owl. 

She cried into my old, crumpled white T-shirt, those little hands of hers threatening to tear even more holes in my dead brother’s jacket. I held her tight and restrained my own hands from wandering over her bare back.

I was half an hour late, and Nona was alone. Ren didn’t show up. Clarissa wasn’t going to anyways, but she had sent her a few dozen snapchats of her wishing Nona a happy birthday from the airport. I had shown up without Jonas, and that made it worse. 

After a few minutes of desperate hugging, legs shaking, and chest puffing in and out with each teary huff, Nona let go and begged for me to come inside. I grabbed the beer and the gift and hustled on in. 

Nona’s parents, rich as they were, weren’t quite as rich as they’d like you to think, y’know? So apparently, they both got some important business calls about flying away to conduct expensive business just one day before Nona’s birthday was going to happen. 

Imagine that, waking up to an empty house on your birthday. With two sticky notes saying, “Happy B-day, have to work, back next week.” 

I wasn’t really focused on being awestruck anymore. Sure, the entrance room had this shiny, wooden floors that reflected dim, yellow light off of fake crystal chandeliers. Yeah, there was a living room on my left and a dining room on my right, and they were other rooms too, but I had this _beautiful_ girl (previously in my arms) who was in tears, because she was all alone on her birthday. 

Nona, amidst her crying, thanked me for coming, for bringing the beer, and for wrapping the gift that I didn’t have to get her. She took me into the dining room, which had this massive mahogany table that stretched out for twenty-something feet with matching chairs that had actual armrests. There was plenty of pizza for a party of twenty. In the middle was the Lord of Diabetes: A mountain of chocolate cake. Four inches high, two feet wide, three feet long, decked out in green icing on the edges, dotted with red icing that read “Happy Birthday, Nona!” in the center. 

I dumped my stuff dangerously close to the magnificent cake and pulled Nona into the living room, because it had this really nice, long sofa made of brown leather. It sat in front of this gigantic TV, the kind you’d see hanging above a hockey stadium. It was long enough to fit three people lying down, and since Nona was in such a terrible state she didn’t wonder why I sandwiched her between the armrest and myself. 

She held onto me, burying her head into the crux of my shoulder. Laying my head on top of her’s, I rubbed her back and encouraged her to get it all out. It’s not like I had dressed up for the party, so I wasn’t too worried about getting wet. 

“Why?” she whispered, huffed, sniffed. Burying herself in my shirt, she mumbled again, “Why? Why can’t I keep friends?” 

I could do nothing but try to sooth her. I proved myself a capable leader when it came to yelling at ghosts, but handling mundane teenage crises was a foreign matter for me. Losing a brother kinda set a scale for me, and I never worried much about friends.

“Clarissa was there for me,” Nona bemoaned to me as she clung to me, her grip tightening as she recalled what must have been endless bullying in her single-digit years. “She saw me getting picked on by Jake and his band of dicks, and she sent them away in _tears!_ ” she recalled, raising her voice as she dried her tears on my shirt. “She was even with me in a Goddamn ghost haunting!” 

I hugged her tighter as I braced for the big, unanswerable question.

“So why isn’t she here _now?!_ ” she demanded. Pulling her head out of my neck, she sucked up the snot that was dribbling down her face, eyes stained red and skin rubbed pink. “Why, Alex?” she whimpered. “W- why isn’t she here? Why isn’t Ren here? Why isn’t Jonas here? Do they hate me?” 

“I don’t know.” She scrunched her eyes shut and threatened to cry again, but I continued, “But I do know this: anyone who’s brave enough, who’s strong enough, who’s smart enough to survive an Edwards’ Island Ghost doesn’t need friends.” 

She pauses, not sure how to respond. “I... don’t?” she asks as I take the initiative and wipe her tears away for her. “But I’ve always been alone. Clarissa was there, and now she’s gone again. I mean, it’s not her fault, b- b-” 

She broke down again, so I pull her in close, resting my head on top of hers again. “Nona, when my brother died, I got showered with letters from pretty much everyone in school telling me all about how they’d be there to help me, and I couldn’t go five minutes in the halls without someone offering their condolences.” 

“I th- think I was one of th- those people?” Nona vaguely recalled, shaking as the tears kept coming.

I continued, “No one ever followed up on that. I was alone.” Huffing, I patted Nona on her side, ‘cause my arms were all wrapped around her, and she was starting to shuffle a bit. 

“How... how’d you manage?” Nona wondered, her breathing leveling out as she calmed down. 

Running my hand over her silky, black sleeve, I answered, “I stopped giving a fuck.” Grinning, I offered, “And you can too if you buy my twenty-step plan available on a twelve VHS set for just sixty-nine, ninety-nine.” 

Nona laughed a dry, throaty laugh, the kind you have when you’ve just cried all day. “I’ll take ten.” 

“A satisfied customer!” I laughed along with her. I held her close again. She allowed it, I think. 

We spent a few minutes in a comfortable silence. I felt pretty confident about the situation. 

“I’m glad you came,” she sighed, her tone about as chill as that night on Edwards’ Island. “It means the world to me, Alex.” 

“I know I’m not Clarissa,” I consoled. I noticed a jolt in her posture as I compared myself to the most popular girl in school. “Well, I could dye my hair. Oh wait, I’m pretty sure I did that.” Using my right hand, I grabbed my cyan ponytail and fluffed it in Nona’s face. 

Giggling, she pushed herself off me. “Yes, yes you did, I suppose.” 

Craning my back, I turned to face my future girlfriend. Her facial features still bore the remnants of salty tears, but that beaming smile of desperation for hope was rekindled. “So, did I ever tell you why I started studying the ancient and taboo subject of cannibalism?” 

Furrowing her brow, Nona shrugged. “I get the feeling you’re going to tell me?” 

She knew me well. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it, wondering why people would do it.” I paused for dramatic effect, leaning in until I was within kissing range of my sweet Nona. And, taking a deep breath, I told her, “It was really _eating_ at me.” 

Slumping her shoulders, Nona hung her head. I could tell she was grinning, though, with the way she groaned. “Why did I invite you again?” 

Laughing heartily, I hopped up and pulled her along, the frizzle-frazzle of her black dress swaying in the wind. I pulled her into the dining room and dramatically motioned towards the grand feast that her out-of-touch parents had presented to the hip millennials. “Nobody likes plain, old cheese pizza, but we shouldn’t let it go to waste!” 

“I like cheese pizza, thank you very much,” she huffed indignantly, crossing her arms and cocking her head with a knowing smirk.

Pausing, I recalculated accordingly. “Nobody likes plain, old cheese pizza.” 

Slumping her shoulders, Nona slouched and groaned. “Alex, I swear to God, it’s a miracle you have friends.”

Chuckling, I nodded. “Yeah, yeah I suppose it is.” Throwing my right arm over her slim shoulders, I nudged her cheek and asked, “But who needs friends when I’ve got you?” 

Rolling her eyes, she sighed, “Would you like to dine with me tonight?” 

Jumping away from her, I did an imperial bow, draping my hair on the floor, and dramatically answered, “Miss Nona, it would be my honor to accompany you.” 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We hastily assembled an ice bucket, 'cause room temperature beer sucks. I was already on my third can by the time I had managed to coerce Nona into going through her first. These weren’t the fancy kind you buy for a pre-haunting party either, these were safe investments. So their alcoholic content wasn’t the highest.

But she’s just so cute when she’s making icky faces and getting used to deadening brain cells. 

We had some pizza, and we talked about school stuff. Nona lovd dancing. She’d ditch class (class with me, shockingly) to practice ballet instead. So there we were: two teenagers getting full on beer, pizza, beer, chocolate cake, and beer. And we burned through that first twelve pack, thanks mostly to the low alcohol content. 

“Ren’s not dating material,” I told her. “You want someone who can actually stand up, stand with you, not cower in a corner every time there’s an issue or if someone raises their voice.” 

“I could... I could spin Ren,” Nona imagined, carefully calculating her breaths as she balanced the weight of her head on her shoulders. “Does Ren like spinning? I could carry him in a tour en... en tour... tour en l’air.” 

I was doing laps around the table, gently pacing as I swayed with each step. “But could you spin him around as you did a spinning on the spin you’re doing?” I asked. “And what about that dress? Could you do that to him in the dress?” 

That’s one of the reasons why I enjoy drinking, my mind just starts racing at a million miles per hour, and I just think of everything and yet nothing productive happens. 

Lifting her fourth can to her delectable lips, she gulped away as I theorized, “He wants to get into your pants, Nona, like, he’s head-over-heels for you, but I knew he only knew you just a little bit, y’know? So, like, y’know, I think that he’d be happy to dance in bed but wouldn’t- wouldn’t want to on the- the floor, y’know?” I bumbled as my own thoughts of impurity seeped into my ramble. 

“Alex... you... you saw his...” Nona began to blush and laugh, slapping her hands over her face and bowing her head in shame. “Oh my _Gaaawd_. Do you think... I’d be...” Looking up with a face so red it’d make Stalin jealous, she scandalously whispered, “Disappointed?” 

I promptly fell down on my ass, the hardwood floor jolting my roaring laughter. “Nona! Oh my God!” I fell to my back, smacking my left hand against a chair leg and my right against the wall. But I was drunk-ish, so I wasn’t too worried about the suspicious bruises people would see I’d gotten, just after getting a new, ex-con step-brother. “I shouldn’t say anything, oh my God!” 

“Whaaat?” she giggled. “Gah!” She fell out of her chair, crawling, dragging that sexy black dress along the wooden floor as she made her way over to me. “Alex! Aleeex!” she laughed as I laughed even harder. She straddled me, and boy was it hot. Gently pounding her hands on my chest, she demanded, “Tell me! C’mon, tell me!”

Wrapping my hands around her wrists, I pulled her close. “Alex, I don’t know if it’s because we’re drunk, or because you weren’t there when I said it, but I only saw his baby carrot-” 

We erupted with laughter at that one. 

“Okay, okay, shut up, shut up,” I gasped between heaving huffs of lush laughter. “Nona, I only saw his dick when we were kids, in the tub, after we thought you could bodypaint with actual wall paint.” 

She went “Oooh” in acknowledgement, nodding along as she sat up, still straddling me. Swaying side to side, she murmured, “That would make... some sense.”

“Why?” I chuckle. Bouncing her on my hips, I ask, “You in the mood to ride cowgirl, cowgirl?”

 _“Oh my God!”_ she shrieked, falling off of me. I, being an idiot, threw my head back while laughing and didn’t get to see what kind of panties Nona was packing as she toppled herself over and rushed to stand as far away from me as possible. “You’re _such_ a pervert! How! How... how do you... keep the...” she slurred as she leaned against a very fancy, delicate-looking china cabinet. It had green dishes, so you know it’s expensive. 

“Friends?” I offered with a shit-eating grin as I stumbled to my own feet. She nodded with a grin of her own. Grabbing yet another beer for me (and one more for her), I told her, “I play you all like pool balls, and my dull sense of humor is the pool cue.” 

Pursing her lips, she realized, “I... I actually _have_ a pool.” She saw my eyes light up with excitement and ambition, so she added, “I haven’t... swam-ded in... in years.” 

“Let’s go!” I decided, downing the rest of my can (I outdrank the fratboys at our community college once. I am a badass.) Grabbing Nona with one hand and her birthday gift in the other, I told her, “You can unwrap your gift outside! It’ll be better that way! And then we can go swimming!” 

“Uuuh,” she hesitated as I pulled her along, snagging one more beer for the road. “My proportions are...” Poking my left breast with the _cold_ can, she giggled, “My bathing suits... would be a tight fit.” 

“Oh my God, you are precious,” I groaned as she took the lead. Her house, y’know. 

Anyways, she sauntered and swayed past a kitchen that could hold forty people, did hold four fridges, and it even lead to a wine cellar. I made a note to get in on that too. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She took me out back to this party-friendly patio. It had swinging benches, pool chairs, patio furniture, and the most magnificent private pool I’d ever laid eyes upon. My ghasp echoed as I walked out from under the patio’s massive, concrete dome and into the warm, fading sunlight.

It was a simple, rectangle. The shallow end with the pansy staircase was on the left (the only real way to get out of a pool is by scraping your skin on the rocky edges as you push yourself out), and the diving board with a clear-water deep end was on the right. Smack-dab in the middle, on the opposing side of me was this circular hot tub that connected directly to the pool itself. 

It lacked palm trees, but this wasn’t California. Instead, we had an eight-foot-tall shrubbery fence separating us from the neighbor’s yard. 

Nona flopped down in the swinging bench, carefully positioning herself right next to the armrest, and she patted on the spot right next to her, so naturally I cosied on in. 

“Ren would never get you these bad boys,” I told her as I wrapped my left arm her, placing the gift in her lap.

“I think Ren would wrap it better,” she giggled, hiccupping as her rosy cheeks got a bit redder. Turning her head, she looked me in the eyes and, despite having trouble keeping her noggin balanced, she whispered, “Thank you, Alex. This day... it would’ve sucked so... so much. But you saved it.” 

Smiling back, I slurred, “I always save the princess.” 

“And this princess wants her presents from her loyal subjects,” Nona giggled as she tore into the small package, politically-charged comics fluttering away in the gentle wind as she uncovered the truth.

She cocked her head as she realized I’d gifted her a box of cigars. Technically, it was a pack of six wrapped up in plastic, but no one cares about the details. “Alex, what am I supposed to do with these?” she wondered, looking at me with tipsy confusion. 

“We’re gonna smoke ‘em!” I tell her as I offered her my pocket knife to cut through the plastic wrap.

And smoke ‘em we did. I had tried one with my dad and Michael when I was fifteen (never told Mom). Nona, being the perfect, little angel, didn’t have any experience with anything sinful. At least, according to her parents. 

Clarissa had apparently shown her a thing or two about smoking. But those were the flimsy cigarettes that Jonas and I had burned through. These were birthday cigars. 

First off, she thought she needed a cigar cutter. I showed her how to chew it appropriately. I watched her try to take one long drag of it and promptly laughed like a tipsy fool as she hacked up her lungs. I showed her how to take short puffs and “enjoy” the refined version of Cancer-On-A-Stick.

We spent the next fifteen minutes talking about the hot guys in our school. Get this: in the three years we’d both been there, seven guys had asked her out.

I got asked out by the guy who always wore trench coats and camo, and Ren made an attempt. I promptly shut him down like he was Windows 98. 

Nona had a ball with that one. She was delighted that Ren was that kind of guy. We naturally got onto everyone’s favorite topic, and she confessed that she had had a crush on Michael for a bit, before Clarissa wooed him away from the Singles Circle. That wasn’t much of a confession for me. Michael drew all the ladies in. He had that kinda charm. Seriously, I had more girls come to me asking how they could date him than anyone asking me how I was doing.

Then that surge of energy kicked in. Nona had never experienced it, so it was fun to see her freak out a bit over it. I’m more the type to lean back and enjoy the hum of my engine when it comes to tobacco. She, however, stopped slurring so much and started talking more normally. 

“Okay, I’m not very tipsy now.” She was still very tipsy, especially after she chased down the cigar smoke with her beer, but she finally decided to acknowledge, “But you really like me, don’t you.” 

Grinning like an idiot, I fessed up. “Yeah, I do. Getting to know you in the middle of a Ghost Haunting really accelerates your ideas of ‘taking it slow’, y’know?” 

Scrunching her lips, Nona leaned back into the wooden bench, causing us both to sway. 

My heart raced, and my hands began to go numb. All of my effort and planning could have gone down the drain right then and there. She could have asked me to leave, that she didn’t feel comfortable being around me anymore, that she was as straight as a pencil.

“Why me?” she asked. “I mean, you said it yourself in ‘Truth or Slap’, you’d screw Clarissa.”

Raising my eyebrows, I grinned and asked, “Aha, but don’t you remember I said I’d marry you?” 

Giggling, she nodded. “But why?”

Shrugging, I told the truth. “You’re thoughtful. You’re smart. You’re cute. And you were the voice of reason with me when Jonas and Ren were busy measuring dicks at Harden Tower. Those are nice things to be attracted to, right?” 

“I... I get that.” Looking to me again, Nona decided, “I mean, no girl’s ever... hit on _me_ before, but you’re no ordinary girl.”

I didn’t really have anything to say. She wasn’t wrong. “Would it be so bad? I mean, I’m not the prettiest or the smartest. I am pretty cunning, though, and that’s always part of the ‘bad guy’ profile that attracts all the babes!” I offered with a nervous laugh as I began rambling again. It’s not my best feature. “Partial credit!” I finished before forcing myelf to shut up.

Nona smiled. She appreciated my humor but remained silent for a bit. Looking back to the setting sun and cloudy skies that radiated with fading gold, she hummed in thought. 

I was on the verge of asking her if she wanted me to go, ‘cause I sure as Hell didn’t know what to do to win.

“Why not,” she simply offered. Looking to me, she frowned and warned, “But you’d better be romantic as Hell, because my throat feels like a swamp.”

We went swimming. We laughed at how my breasts bulged out of Nona’s onepiece suit. We shrieked as we cannon-balled into freezing cold water, and we cried as we spent the night watching “Spirited Away”, and we moaned as we made out ferociously through all of these activities.

And we were beautiful. The good guys won, the survivors cheered, and the babe hooked up with the fair and noble hero (second base). I spent the night (in my own sleeping bag) with a beautiful girl who wasn’t quite ready to go all the way, and we only burned three eggs trying to feed ourselves in the morning after. And, for a romantic finale, we parted ways with a deep, passionate kiss before I drove back home in my scrapped up Silverado.

Everything went according to plan. Everything turned out perfectly. The good guys had won. The survivors cheered. Everyone lived happily ever after. The hero got the girl.

Just one problem.


	3. "The Problem"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One island. One party. One problem.

Day seven, post-ghosting:

Thanksgiving Break had given me a ghost haunting, a birthday party, and a girlfriend before putting me back in the "natural" swing of things. After all of that and my new stepbrother, I was back in school. My first class was done, and I was minding my own business, humming a little Olly Olly tune as I gathered my notebooks from my locker. The drone of chatter and laughter from my peers kinda drowned out as I thought about where I’d take Nona for that night's date. My mind always works best under last minute panic. She had texted me and hinted at something Italian, so I wasn’t totally lost. 

A very firm grip on my shoulder woke me up, just what I needed for a Monday morning. I was turned around and slammed into my locker. The shock jolted my hands, and all my shit dropped to the floor. Most people ignored the sudden commotion, ‘cause it’s high school on a Monday morning.

 _“Alex!”_ Clarissa welcomed, gripping both her hands on my shoulders. “What the Hell did you do?!” 

“Hello, Clarissa!” I offered with a knowing grin. “Finally back in town, I see! You’re a bit pale, though.” Showing my teeth, I raised an eyebrow and smiled. “Did you see a _spooooky_ ghost?” 

She pulled me a few inches off of my locker, only to slam me against it again, this time konking my head on the metal. _“What. Did. You. Do?!”_

\------------------------------------------------------

Day one, evening:

I had a lot on my mind, as it was just the first day after the Triangle Haunting of Edwards’ Island. I wasn’t even using my phone in the Silverado, I just kept both hands on the wheel and thought about shit. Jonas was off, doing whatever, and I had texted Ren asking to come over. 

He agreed, said his parents were still out of town and that we needed to talk about stuff.

So when I performed “Yankee Doodle Went to Town” on his doorbell, he answered with an even frownier frown. We sat down on his sofa, him on the left side with his feet on the ground and me on the far right. I splayed out and challenged him to a foot war. 

He wasn’t too amused. 

“Alex,” he sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I gotta know, man, what happened? You weren’t like you yesterday.”

Curling up, I wrapped my arms around my legs and reminded him, “We were kinda in the middle of a ghost haunting, Ren. Someone had to step up and take charge, and it wasn’t gonna be you.” 

“No, yeah, I get that,” he admitted. “But, like, you were gonna stomp my nuts, dude. That’s about as cool as your emergency stash of beer.” 

“Hey, if one of your sisters drowns, and you can’t save her, you’ll _get accustomed_ to a warm beer,” I shot back. He looked at me like he didn’t even know me. Sighing, I shook my head. “Sorry, Ren, whatever I did, you know I wouldn’t deliberately be mean.” 

“You treated me like a retarded cat,” he scoffed. “You told Jonas to hold me down if he needed to! That’s not how you treat a friend, Alex!”

“You weren’t a friend in that moment, Ren!” I told him, plain and simple. “You were getting high! You were a liability! You stopped being a teamplayer and started being extra weight that _somebody_ had to carry!”

“It wasn’t even that bad!” Ren shouted. “I just saw colors, it wasn’t anything that anyone had to worry about.” 

“Well, there wouldn’t have been any way for me to know that. Sooo, better safe than sorry,” I decided. “You wanna get mad about your own choices? Fine. Just don’t take it out on me, ‘cause I saved everyone’s ass yesterday.” 

He fumed, he argued, he yelled. In his tantrum, he threatened to not show up to Nona’s birthday party. I asked him why, if she didn’t feel comfortable around him before, why would she feel comfortable around him now. 

And in that moment, his dreams of successfully manipulating Nona into being his girlfriend were shattered. He didn’t take it well. In fact, I’d say that “running up to your room whilst sobbing and slamming the door shut” is the opposite of taking it well.

I texted him, “You’re my friend, Ren. But you can’t win everyone. Nona isn’t looking for a relationship with you, so back off and show her some respect. When you calm down, come over, and we’ll load up halo 3. We’ll use the shitty sentinel beam weapons and pretend we’re ghostbusters.” 

He never texted me back. He just showed up two weeks later, and Jonas kicked our asses in Griffball. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Day one, morning:

The morning sun rose up in the cloudless sky and beat down on Jonas and myself. We sat atop the highest bleacher in my vacant school’s outdoor soccer and track field. Taking a long, toxic, rewarding drag from my cigarette, I reminisced and planned, the faint echoes of traffic bubbling in the distance. I’d made it a point to sit shoulder-to-shoulder with my awesome, new, ghost fighting brother. 

He was still kinda out of it, since he’d just gone through a body possession thing yesterday.

“This will be great,” I told him as we watched a lone crow perch atop one of the floodlights we’d use for nightly practice. “My new brother, storming the scene and partnering up with little, nobody Alex, and together they’ll become co-queens at prom and win the hearts and minds of a young, influential generation!”

“Oh boy. It’s what I’ve always wanted,” he huffed with indifference to my grand vision of greatness, puffing away on his own death stick. Taking off his beanie, Jonas let his ruffled, thick hair flow free. “Alex, I get what you’re goin’ for, and I’m really grateful that you wanna do so much to make me feel good.”

Grinning, I deduced, “There’s a bigger ‘but’ there than in my Playboy magazine.”

“What, you only have one?” he shot off in return. 

Our combined laughter scared off the crow, and we would never see it again.

Sighing, Jonas said, “Alex, I think that, after going through a ghost haunting, bodily possession, and my mom dying, I’d rather just... just be in the background, y’know?”

Scrunching my lips, I turned my head and looked the handsome man in the eye and asked, “You don’t wanna be my co-pilot?” 

Smiling, he shrugged. “Maybe just the stewardess.”

Chuckling, I imagined him in a skimpy skirt telling me to get off the plane, because my skin color meant I was a terrorist. “Okay, Jonas,” I sighed. “I’m still hooking you up with my dealers, though.”

“Oh, totally,” he laughed as he took another drag. “I wanna get in on all of that.” 

We sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying each other’s company. The gentle wind brushed through my hair, and I languidly stretched. Jonas didn’t notice. 

“Say, Alex,” he finally asked, “when’s that birthday party? Has Nona talked to you about that. I, uh, never got her number.” 

I hesitated, I paused. I just stopped, because I was conflicted. Jonas had been there for me as a friend, as a trusted, impromptu second-in-command. He had been in my life for just two days, but it felt like he’d been with me for two decades. He had been with me through thick and thin.

“Jonas, Nona doesn’t want you at her birthday party.” 

Now it was his turn to pause. He looked at me, raising both eyebrows. “What? Alex, I know you like to joke, but that’s not funny.” 

Shaking my head, I told him, “I’m sorry, Jonas. Nona just wants people she feels comfortable around, y’know?”

“Comfortable?” he scoffed, throwing his cigarette to the wind with beautiful form (should’ve been a pitcher). “I went through a body possession ghostfest with her! How could she not be comfortable with me after all that?”

“I asked her the same thing!” I told him. “She knows about you beating the shit out of a guy.” 

Slumping his shoulders, he put his elbows on his knees and placed his head wearily in the palms of his hands. Groaning, he wondered, “Why the _Hell_ does that keep coming up?” 

“I’ll be blunt,” I told him as gently as I could, “a lot of people are going to be wary of you. It’s high school Jonas. The only thing that spreads faster than a dirty story in high school is a plague in the Byzantine empire.”

In hindsight, I shouldn’t have compared his one little anger break to a disease that killed a fourth of an empire. He groaned like a train coming to a halt, and I just kept patting his back.

“Cheer up, big guy,” I offered. “You’re my stepbrother, so everyone will respect you, including Nona.”

“Do you know why?” he kinda begged. “Did she say why that made her uncomfortable with me?”

I held him, placing my head on top of his. “Jonas, some people just don’t act right. Give Nona her space, and maybe she’ll warm up to you in the future.” 

Growling, he decided, “It’s bullshit, Alex.” 

“This whole thing has been bullshit,” I told him. 

I held him like a prized vase full of ancient Greek coins, until he chuckled. And then he started laughing. 

I let go and leaned down with him, only for him to arch back, so I had to follow suit. “What’s so funny?” I asked with a grin of my own.

“Oh gee, where to begin,” he sighed, clasping his hands over his face as his cheeks went a bit red. “First my mom dies, then I meet you, then I get sucked into a ghost haunting.” Looking to me, he decides, “But what really gets under my skin is that some girl I barely know doesn’t want me at her birthday party.” Shaking his head, he scoffed, “I can’t believe myself.” 

Chuckling, I shrugged my shoulders and asked, “Hey, whatcha gonna do? At least you could yell at the ghosts. With Nona, you could try glaring at her, but she’d probably just ask Clarissa to beat you up.”

“Oh no, I think she’d _definitely_ have Clarissa beat me up,” he agreed, pulling out his pack of smokes. “But if you backed me up, I think we could take her.”

“Oh, she’d better like gardening, ‘cause we’d plant her in the ground,” I definitely knew for certain. “Aaand, she’d come with her own fertilizing system.” 

Rummaging through his pockets, Jonas had to give me a groaning laugh for that one. “Okay, I know you two have a history and all, but I want this to be a defensive alliance, okay? No invading Russia in the winter or breaking non-aggression pacts, okay?” he warned firmly as he fumbled through his pockets, having misplaced his zippo. 

“Aaaw,” I moaned as he popped a fresh one into his mouth. “Can we at least get a rival power addicted to opium to ensure profitable trade deals?” I asked as I offered him my own lighter, a fancy Vietnam-knockoff one that read “to Alex, love Michael” on one side and “smoking = bad, u bad grl” on the other. 

It was the last gift he ever gave, and I was kinda shocked at myself for sharing it. 

Jonas smiled, admiring my priceless relic. “Maybe once or twice, but no promises,” he conceded as he lit up. 

“Good,” I sighed. “Now, let’s finish our smokes and get the Hell out of this trashhole of a school. I have a nasty habit of burning things down, so it’s best I don’t linger around a potential target.”

Jonas took a nice, long drag before giving me his official opinion.

“You’ve got a bit of acid in that heated blood of yours, Alex.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

“Alex! What the Hell did you do?!” Clarissa demanded again, her voice echoing through the school hallway.

Having her handling me was not as romantic as I thought it would be when we first met, before Michael got swept up in her cold embrace. Now that I had actually been given my own turn at the woman’s undivided attention, I wondered why I’d ever wanted it in the first place.

Having sufficiently slammed me against my locker, Clarissa had turned a few heads, so I dropped my grin. “Clarissa, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” I shouted, letting fear drip into my tone.

“I text Nona, and she doesn’t text back. I call Nona, and she _hangs up_ on me?!” she snarled, her pride wounded. Moving her hands to my throat, she demanded, “Start talking. What the Hell did you do! I leave for a few days, and my best friend won’t say shit to me!” 

Keeping my hands firmly by my pockets, I told her, “She and I are dating, that’s all.” 

“Bullshit,” she instantly spat, tightening her grip. I actually had trouble breathing. “You never even talked to her before Edwards’ Island! I know you, Alexandra, Michael told me all about you, so don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes!” she threatened as she constricted my breathing even more. “You’d better explain now while you still have teeth to enunciate!” 

With my last breath, just as people started murmuring and taking videos of the incident, I reached into my pocket as I reminded her, “You took Michael from me.” 

She loosened her grip a bit. Her eyes twitched, and her jaw slackened as she actually thought about what I’d said, giving me the opening I needed to pull out my lighter and aimed it close to her expensive, Burberry denim jacket. 

Taking a deep, much-needed breath, I winked. “I took Nona from _you._ ”

I ignited my zippo and successfully set fire to her jacket at _roughly_ the same time she smashed her fist into my left eye. 

\---------------------------

I used to steal from mom and dad to buy beer. I got thrown into juvie for grand theft auto (I’d dispute that one, but a record’s a record). I made friends with the smart people in class so that I could cheat off ‘em. I never did anything for anyone that wasn’t for my own gain. I engineered the perfect opportunity to deal the final blow to my grand vision.

I’m not a hero. I never have been, and I never will be. 

Ren never figured it out. He was considering a “reconquest” of sorts and asked Nona out for real before school started back up, but every reconquest needs the money of a Justinian and the cunning of a Belisarius. Ren had neither, he was more of a “John the Gluten” kinda guy. Once he asked her out for real, Nona told him about us, and he never tried again. He did, however, resume his friendship with me after he saw how bad my black eye was. 

Nona and I are still dating. She really likes me, especially after I let her play nurse with me and soak in her own guilt. She got it into her head that it was partially her fault, because she had let Clarissa push her around so much. I think she’s not half-bad either. Her kissing’s a bit slobbery, but she’s never done it before, so I can’t really blame her. She also doesn’t speak to Clarissa anymore, so I’d call it a win-win-win on all fronts for me. We’ve moved on from Clarissa and are writing that book together, as co-authors. 

Clarissa got hauled away, kicking and screaming bloody murder. The next day, she didn’t show up to class, and then a week went by without any trace of her, and then the following week the news finally reached me: she got kicked out. She’s out there, somewhere, trying to pick up the pieces and start over. 

Jonas never got wise to me. He and Nona became friendly acquaintances, neither wanting to touch on the subject of her birthday party. Jonas didn’t care when we made ourselves an official couple. In fact, he gave me his official seal of approval and best wishes. He wasn’t too confident about the longevity of high school romances. 

He was the first to introduce me to his new friends as his sister, minus the ‘step’ part. It was weird at first, but it’s true. He’s my brother. I couldn’t see myself going solo anymore. 

He also tackled Clarissa to the ground and cracked one of her ribs as he stomped out the fire. It was great. I’m saving up to buy him a really nice beer, like a German kind or some shit. It all depends on what my dealers can get. 

It’s funny, I would have nightmares every night, and I’d run to Jonas, and we’d hold each other as we both tried to sleep. Then, it got down to just weekly nightmares and a shaky smoke with Jonas on the patio. And then a week would go by without us ever thinking about it at all. It’s still a work-in-progress.

Anyways, I asked Jonas what he wanted to do after graduation, and he plans on attending our local community college. I’m going to join him, and I’m in the process of convincing Nona to give up on her dancing and come do entry level courses with me. 

But, anyways- what time is it? Oh, shit! Sorry, I gotta run! I promised mom I’d use her Silverado to go pick up my brand new, fresh-off-the-shelf stepbrother Jonas from the airport. The handsome bastard never accepted my steam invite, so I’ll have to make him feel bad about that. 

Ren’s dragging me out tonight for that yearly beach party thing, and I’ll probably try to dump Jonas off here and then haul ass to the ferry. 

Whatever, I’m sure it’ll be fun. I might even bring him along if he’s not a total ass. Either way, it’ll be something to do, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go. One miniseries wrapped up. What did you think? Was the plot twist too obvious? Or was there not enough hinting for it to make sense, and so it felt rushed and unnatural? 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


End file.
